Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Antero Colon's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 23rd, 2010
11:29 pm	So if...  I thought I'd post something on my journal that I just thought after listening to a conversation my brother had with a friend.  It's sort of the same conversation that Stephen was talking about as far as the mosque that was built next to the world trade center...as if the world trade center is some sacred place for corporate/global capitalism aka. commercial exploitation. Anyways, I'm not going to post this on facebook because its more of a satirical poem and I'm sure many people will not be able to understand what sarcasm is.  Ok..here we go: All Muslims are Terrorists. All Russians are Communists. All Hispanic/Latino Americans are Illegal Aliens. All Black Americans are Gangsta Thugs. All White Americans are Supremacist  Slavedrivers. All Canadians play Hockey. All Northerners are jerks. All Southerners are stupid. All Europeans are Smelly Snobs. All English are Thieves. All Germans are Nazis. All Asians are Barbaric. All Chinese are Atheists. All Koreans and Vietnamese are Enemies. All Japanese are Suicidal. All Africans have AIDS. All Jews are Greedy. All Christians are Hypocrites. All People are Sinners. All Sinners are Fools. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 17th, 2010
1:43 am	A New Turban Friday night was an amazing night of worship...amazing as in I actually became excited! It's been a long time since I've felt excitement like that. One of the things was that it was just a normal service, it was an open mic 'prophetic night of worship'...a gathering of the saints if you will. So, this is how it happened: I called up Rusty to see if I could get a ride since my gas tank is empty and my bank account was temporarily cleaned out...so, Shawn, Annette, and Rusty came and picked me up. We get to Grace (the name of the church) and this woman named Lisa who I had met before said hi and asked me if I was excited. I was like...excited? About what? And she said excited about the worship time and I told her that I really don't get excited anymore...she asked why and I told her I guess it was because of the hard things I have had to endure for so long. I told her it was good meeting her again and sat down. I opened up my Bible before the music started and I had opened it to Romans Ch. 1 and started reading and something about verses 18 and 19 really stood out to me...as though I was to speak that passage along with the next several paragraphs: 18 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. As I was reading, Shawn came up and handed me $40.  I was like...what's this?!  He told me it was for gas.  I was just totally humbled and thankful to the Lord for that.  I knew I was going to get my money back soon but I did not want to steel Shawn's blessing from him.  I gladly accepted it...and while the music started I closed my eyes, prayed, and started remembering about all the times when I helped someone who was homeless or in need without money or food and started tearing up every time I saw their faces.  The Lord remembered the times when I did good and had mercy on someone even when I wasn't really in the mood to do it. I felt my gut lightly buckling as I was just amazed the Lord would be so good to me...a wretched sinner...I couldn't think of anything except that I didn't deserve his mercy but was glad that He chose to have mercy on me. I then looked at my hat and I thought about Joshua in Zechariah 3: 1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right side to accuse him. 2 The LORD said to Satan, "The LORD rebuke you, Satan! The LORD, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?" 3 Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. 4 The angel said to those who were standing before him, "Take off his filthy clothes." Then he said to Joshua, "See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put rich garments on you." 5 Then I said, "Put a clean turban on his head." So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the LORD stood by. The Lord showed me how he had mercy on Joshua just as he had mercy on me.  Also, the significance about the turban was about the renewing of our minds...how the Lord is so good to give us a new mind as well as a new body.  I really felt like someone needed to hear that tonight so I was moved to read that after the Romans 1 passage and the two would really compliment each other: Later that I night I explained to the group I rode with that God's mercy and wrath always go together. There is 2 sides to mercy...the other side being his wrath, because without God's wrath, mercy is worthless and unneeded. To truly understand God's mercy, one must understand His wrath as well or else 'mercy' is just a nice sounding word...and if that is all it is then it is really cheapening the Word of God and the sacrifice he bore for our sins.  That's one of the reasons why the Bible contains so much about the wrath that God has had on the Earth.  During a few of the songs, I was reminded of Rusty, and all of the poor people that I had helped. and a women spoke the words about when Moses asked the Lord to go out in front of them and be with them in the desert during the Exodus...and how the Lord said he would do what he asked.  I had never heard that spoken with such power from the Spirit of God in my life...I was then...actually excited!   I was amazed that God would come through like that this night.   But that was just the beginning...after that was spoken one of the singers bowed over and was trembling and weeping in the Spirit for about a minute.  I was praying and thinking that she needed to be comforted...I've seen it before when someone will be crying out for comfort after a word of power is spoken...so since no one would do it, I went and told Lisa to go give her a hug. Lisa went and held her for a little and then started speaking to her.  I do not know what she was saying though it looked like she was speaking words of encouragement....I was thinking..."just don't say anything! just hold her!"  Well, at certain point the singer started speaking in tongues...the most beautiful of tongues that I have ever heard in my life...I think it was Aramaic...and after that she prophesied like I have never heard before...I thought the word before that sparked this was powerful...but the words she spoke...just left me in awe at the goodness of God.   The main message she was speaking about was: "Tonight is the night that I give you freedom, beloved!"...I still...am just in awe thinking about that and I felt the Spirit of the Lord just make a candlestick out of me.  I hadn't burned with passion like that in such a long long time... Ok...so after that the singers sang a couple more songs and the first woman who had spoke, spoke again...and that's when I felt like it was about to be my turn.   As the song was ending I went up to the guy who had the microphone to speak and he asked me what did I want to say.  I told him something from Romans 1 and he asked if it was a word of encouragement or a word of correction.  I told him it was both.  He asked me to show him and showed him in my bible and he asked me if that was all I had to say and I said no, there's more, but that is what I need to say.   He said that he couldn't let me speak and I asked why?  He said that it was a word of correction and tonight was about 'words of encouragement'. I was quite confused about his interpretation of what 'prophecy' should be spoken and I told him, "Apparently you don't understand what prophecy is"....he replied, "Yes, I do", and I said...."No....you don't." So, as not to get in an argument I simply told him, "Well, then that Word is for you then."  And he asked me..."what is it again?"" and wrote it down...as though he actually cared (he didn't since he obviously didn't read it thoroughly when I showed it to him). Well, after that happened there was a spirit of suppression in the air (confirmed by another women I spoke with later on) and the last song ended and the leader read Psalm 139...amazingly....as in amazingly dead...after the music stopped there was just silence and the place was dead.  I can't explain it but everyone just stopped and nobody said ANYTHING for about 30 seconds and the Word of the Lord came upon me and I spoke directly to the man who suppressed the reading that I had for the congregation and warned him:  "You have to stop suppressing the truth.  You have to stop."  After that this one lady cried out "Your word is truth, Oh Lord!"...as confirmation that that was the Spirit of God speaking through me...and so I said "Amen!" So I put my hat on and this guy named Dion came and sat beside me and Rusty was like "Hey man!" and they were talking a little and  I started talking with him.  He was talking about Psalm 139 and how it was difficult to understand and how it was 'above him' and that he just knew "Jesus!" And I was like..."Yeah!  That's right!"  He spoke in the Spirit of God and you could feel it when he said "Jesus!".   I told him he had it backwards...the words of Psalm 139 are below you because you simply speak "Jesus!" in the power of the Holy Spirit of God.  I told him that "Without the Spirit those are just dead words...powerless and without life.  Yet one simple word as "Jesus!"...that, moves mountains my friend!" (please don't think this is an example of TBN sensationalism btw...there is a HUGE difference...the TBN stuff is usually done in a counterfeit spirit). So while this was happening the guy who was 'in charge' had talked to two of his buddies and they came down and introduced himself as an elder of the church and spoke with me in concern (more like fear), trying to put me on the spot for speaking 'out of turn' and 'out of pride' which I obviously did not do, and asking by 'what authority did I speak' and if I was 'sure that I was hearing from the Lord' and if I had ever made a mistake before and if I was perfect...yada yada yada. So during that I told him how he had suppressed the Word of God, was trying to put the work of God in a box, and that what I spoke was true.  He was like, I'm sorry you feel that way and that is your opinion and I told him that had nothing to do with my feelings or opinion, and made it simply clear to him that "I am either telling the truth, am crazy, or I'm lying...and apparently it looks like that it is for you guys to decide (sarcasm)"  They then tried to explain to me that I should have said that in private, yada yada, and I retorted "Right.  Because everything the Prophets did, the did in private.  I have nothing more to say."   And so I stood up and left them to Rusty (who has an amazing gift of Prophecy) who was also suppressed early that night.  Apparently the leader told him: "I just don't know you" and so he wouldn't let him speak or give his message.  Ironically enough, I told him the same thing when he was trying to give me an inquisition thinking I had something against him and was attacking him or something. So I left the building and went outside (I was done with that guy for the night) and a women came and hugged me and started telling me how she was upset about how they tried to 'put me in my  "place"' and was thankful that I said something and how this had been going on for a while and how much the people were missing because of the spirit of control that the leader apparently needs deliverance from.  Her husband also came out and said the same thing and was telling me how there was just emptiness and how he wished he would have said what I did because he had been thinking the same thing for a while. Dion also came out and he was concerned warning me to 'be careful' and that the leader was his mentor and I asked him:  "Careful of what?  Of speaking the Word of God in boldness?   What do I have to fear?  Was Jesus ever 'careful' about speaking out against unrighteousness?  No because what he did he did in the Spirit of Truth and Love and that is what the Lord is doing through me tonight.  Everything I said was for the leader's benefit...not mine."  He realized that what I was saying was true and we started talking about other things. So, later on while we were eating dinner I was praying and I realized that the leader was hiding something...I'm not sure of what but that is why he was so concerned and so repressive and controlling.  So much so, even, that he would rather everyone else lose out in order to keep his secret safe.  It appears that the Lord is really working in the roots of that church. The good news is after Rusty spoke to him, I believe and hope he will change after that night.  It is a terrible thing being lost in darkness and how deep that darkness is when you believe that darkness is light.  Yet those who are unrighteous in suppressing the truth will receive the Wrath of the Almighty.  Yet if they turn from their ways and repent and confess their sins and acknowledge God, the Lord will have mercy upon them and give them a new Spirit and a new mind...just as he did with Joseph. God is good...and so sweet is His wonderful mercy that endures forever! (Comment on this)
Thursday, July 22nd, 2010
2:47 am	El Paso So I went as far west as I have ever been last weekend to help Vanessa move to El Paso. It was a nice vacation even though I didn't sleep to well the last few nights being a little bit too tall for Vanessa's sofa...and Shane waking up in the morning as well. But other than that it was pretty much a good time. I got to visit the cheap strip where they had just tons of junk at 'Mexico' prices. Mostly clothing and toys. I bought some sunglasses for $1.25 since I left mine in my car at Miguelos's house. I ended up spending more money than I wanted to as well...but I really needed to get out of DFW. I could use a definite permanant vacation from this place honestly. The best thing about El Paso was by far the food. Vanessa's grandma made homemade tex-mex tacos and enchiladas. They were probably the best tex-mex flavored I've had homemade or restaurant. Jackies was also really good. They had some awesome buffet chorizo y papas and you could get a guy to grill you a fresh egg or two however you like. I ate a ton of food there for breakfast. And it only cost me like $10 including tip. Wish they had one of those here. And Chico's tacos...well, the tacos were ok. They were really just flautas swimming in a watered down enchilada sauce and covered with shredded cheese. Their fries were really what impressed me though for a taco place. I also ordered a hamburger but it was the size of a McDonald's patty so that was pretty disappointing. The scenery there was pretty sweet for desert though. There was a lot of brush due to the rain. On the way there it was pretty much green up until Midland which is surprising. Usually once you get past Weatherford it's just straight brown. The green really helped keep it from being boring. Also, it rained a few times and when it stormed for just a few minutes, the streets were almost completely flooded. It was ridiculous for that little bit of rain. We were making a joke that they put all the storm drains up hill...as that would be 'a good place to get the rain before it goes down' lol. I also drew some new cartoon characters that would just be absolutely hilarious. Rio Grande Lobster, Prawn, The Crabbynator, and 'Peanut Butta' Snail. I need to think of a few more so I could possibly make a pilot and sell this idea. I hope I can really get some trumpet lessons soon. Waxahachie has an opening and I really could use the money. I've been trying to get in shape and loose some of the flab. It's really hard to do when it's painful because my neck and back are out of alignment. I really need to see a chiropractor...but I kind of wish I had one living with me that I wouldn't have to pay. Well, i guess we'll see what the Lord does. :) *Philippians 4: 4-7* Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ. (Comment on this)
Friday, July 2nd, 2010
12:18 pm	The new band So I met this guy named Jairo in Orquestra Cervantes who was kicked out of the group recently and asked me to help him with his vision as far as a band goes. We had our first meeting yesterday evening and it looks like it is pretty promising. After he was kicked out I was pretty upset because it was obviously for personal reasons...but after I cooled down about it I realized that it was probably a blessing in disguise. He's a good listener and takes criticism well and wants to get better and that is of paramount importance for a leader. The leaders in the Cervantes group...well, not so much. There's a great deal of ineptitude with them and its not anything that can be fixed as long as there are insecurity issues with them. So this opportunity looks better and better and there's a lot of good original music and creativity with Jairo and at the very least it is a ministry opportunity. I do pray that it ends up paying because I really need the $ for school. I'm not even certain if I'll be able to take the class/classess I want this summer because I'm probably going to be broke after I fix my car...but I'm holding off on that just in case I need to buy some other equipment for gigs...if paying ones arise, that is. Praise the Lord for He is my provider. I don't want to be the guy who always thinks there's never enough money but I really need to get my own place and he hasn't provided that for me yet which is extremely frustrating. On the other hand, I just need to continue to be patient and exercise long suffering which is much easier said then done. Today's worries are enough for today... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
12:49 am	Forgiveness Usually our anger, wrath, and vindictiveness stems from our lack of understanding and perspective. It's always important to look at things from God's perspective which is THE Truth...unfortunately for us, it's usually a reality about something we don't like...such is the flesh in this fallen world, yet this is exactly why His Kingdom is what we really desire and were ultimately created for and why YHWH sent his Son as a sacrifice for us...so that we can have a place in something other then the fallen world. The pastor at Grace gave a really good sermon about Forgiveness and what it means. Some notable things about Forgiveness are: 1. Letting go of your right for vengeance/revenge. 2. Not letting the past transgression/sin rule your life. 3. Loving that person as though you are Christ who Forgave and Loved you. Admittedly, that last one is the hardest to do. It takes time to get to that point however when the pain is deep. We are to pray for our enemies and bless those who curse us in our prayers as we are commanded to do. And doing so regularly frees us from the chains of bitterness and hatred that Satan desires to enslave us with. Last night I watched a Dateline episode of how a feud between neighbors which started over the repairing of a bridge leading to both driveways ended up turning into a double homicide. The guy who went to church was the guy who murdered his neighbors in cold blood. The jury gave him life in prison and justly so. This guy lied about it and thought he was completely justified for what he did...claiming he was 'protecting' himself, yet because he couldn't let go of his hate, his mind became a slave to Satan. The guy really seemed very 'Nazi-ish' and obviously had a case of sociopathic OCD. I find myself hating that type of person with a passion and desiring to be the judge. But it's important to not become the thing you hate and remember that we all deserve the same fate as that guy. On another note, I've been praying quite a bit the last few days and realized something when thinking about my dad: Him being a slave to sin MUST do EVIL to someone at least once a day...and it NEVER fails. So I was thinking, that we who are in the Spirit of Christ maybe should at least do good to someone at least once per day...and I thinking not just your regular greeting, etc, but something that actually costs us time, money, or ourselves. It'll be kind of like Earl's 'list' on that one show except it will not be about trying to vainly redeem oneself. I think I'm actually going to give this a try and see what happens but I'm not going to beat myself up if I fail...I know I will fail but when I succeed it will be by the power and goodness of Jesus Christ. Amen~ (Comment on this)
Monday, June 28th, 2010
2:53 pm	The First and the Last Isaiah 41:4 4"Who has performed and accomplished it, Calling forth the generations from the beginning? 'I, the LORD, am the first, and the last...I am He.'" God is both the question and the answer. He is the beginning and the end. When I seek God in prayer, I must seek him in this order. He is the first and the last. The Alpha and the Omega. When I put me first I am truly not seeking God. Even when I put me last, I am truly not seeking God. I must understand that it is His will that I should be accomplishing through my prayer. And that requires the prayer to acknowledge that God's desired will for my life is the first and the last. There is no value to selfish prayer. In fact, there is danger to selfish prayer. For God may listen and grant what I prayed for, yet in the end, it may be disastrous. His permissive will allows us to insist of our will at times and then when folly strikes, we want to blame Him when in truth we ourselves are to blame. Allowing God to be first and last in our lives is allowing the Spirit of Love, Truth, and Forgiveness to be first in last in our lives, for that is the nature of who God is. (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 20th, 2010
11:24 pm	Economics Matthew 7:15 - Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. Capitalism and communism (not socialism...that is a form of government not economy) are the same thing...the only difference is in the facade...capitalism wants it to look 'free' while communism wants it to look 'fair'....both are controlled by tyrants which means they make the rules and don't give the people/employees a say unless it benefits or doesn't affect their control or cut into their profits. That's why there's things like unions and strikes and lockouts....because ultimately, the greedy never are willing to take a pay cut on either side...but it's always the leaders/employers who force the issue when they try to be tyrants. Every greedy person with authority wants to make slaves out of it's workers/people and thus the arguments and fights between which economic model in this type of fallen society is futile. The subjects are ALWAYS the victims but that is simply part of a curse put on men for not seeking God as their absolute authority and provider. They try to find comfort in oppression rather then fight because they don't believe they can win or are fooled into thinking they don't deserve better and should be 'thankful' in a false sense. This is what happens when the 'job' becomes a person's god. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 19th, 2010
9:29 am	Germany?...or Pennsylvania? I've had a dream about a place I've never been before recently. The first time I had the dream of this place was quite a while back where I was hiking through a strange craggy rocky mountainous area covered in bright green grass with water running through it. This morning I dreamt that I was a WWII soldier who had taken the side of the enemy as a spy. I drove my own tank and was even attacked by an allied tank. One of my cousin's and one of my uncles lived there so I'm thinking it maybe a part of Pennsylvania around the Appalachian region but it sort of looked like the German Alps. I'll google it real quick. Other then that, I've been working on cleaning up my vocab...I read James a few days ago and was convicted and so I'm keeping it in mind not to let my tongue guide me. I think it's because I've been hanging out with folks in the band who don't know how to control their tongues. So, what I need to do is influence them...and not the other way around. It does pain me to remember how before I came to know Christ I had my dad's vocabulary which is in all ways from the pit of hell. I can't even remember the last time this guy said anything that was encouraging, comforting, or loving...but I guess that's what a heart full of hate bears. On a side note, I've been working like crazy on music lately. I'm thinking I need to start my own band eventually, I've pretty much lost confidence in our band leader and the manager as far as us progressing towards a professional level which is more then possible with our group. But if I do that I'm not going to have time to write music soo... I'm really hoping I can pay for college. It's driving me crazy not having any kind of paying work but one thing it does is to teach you to rely on the Lord day by day and little by little. Perseverance is God's goal in all of our lives...not grandeur or commonplace living. Well, here's praying for some miracles to happen then. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 9th, 2010
8:37 am	Blessed are those who mourn For they shall be comforted. Today I was able to witness this truth to a friend of mine who's been posting on Facebook about the horrific catastrophe of the underwater Gulf oil geyser. It reminds me of the second bowl/vial that of the Revelation that says the waters will turn to blood and all the fish and animals in the sea will die. I don't believe that its to that point yet but it certainly could be since our government seems intent on allowing BP stall to try and figure a way to plug this thing where they can still drill for the oil...at the cost of our Gulf of course... The greed of mankind is simply self destructive. And unfortunately this catastrophe depicts that. Hurry back quickly Lord Jesus...or we will not survive. On a side note, something Richard Miller posted: Sometimes forgiveness comes at a heavy price. It might require you to give up justice. It might require you to lay down the right to future offense for wrong doing by the other party. It might require facing so much pain that the freedom you feel, while very real and deep, is muted by stunned exhaustion. But it is worth it. Very worth it. Amen. (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 5th, 2010
9:30 am	Facewhat? So, I admit it...I've been lazy on my journal (well, that's nothing new) and I was thinking about how Facebook makes it easy to be lazy with a journal. Luckily, Jan reminded me on Facebook about going back to using the journal and I think that's a good idea :)...thanks Jan! So, lets see, what should I post. Well, my pastor mentor told me to start keeping track of my prayers so I think I'll start with that first. Lately I've been praying mostly for Guidance - I actually may be able to go back to school and get a bachelor's in Chemistry/Physics so I can get certified and start teaching and have much more influence and job security then with being a musician. Being a band director is DONE...at least for now. Maybe when I'm older and in a different state/country. Here in Texas, it's all about the contest and not about teaching music. Along with that, you have to kiss a lot of butts, have to deal with unruly kids and their parents and from my substituting experience, I would hate being a musician after a week and weekend of working on band music and administration. Chemistry/Physics has always been my 'second love' and I don't mind doing that for a job. Plus, the social experience will be much better then just being holed up in a band hall for your entire life. What else...? I've been praying for this guy I met not to long ago named Rusty. Apparently he's a prophet and I learned some things from him. I admit, I first thought he was a bit of a fraud/swindler in the Benny Hinn 'prophet' mode or the 'Crossing Over' John Edward type. And yeah, I still have doubts about it...the very first time the guy called me and hit me up for money...lol. I prayed about it and gave him what was purposed on my heart to give him which was a really good experience in giving. Anyways, he hung out with me during the Frisco gig and I really got to know a lot more about him and so far he seems legit. Not perfect, but not a fraud. Also, I've been praying about my music 'career' which I've been busy at lately. I just wished it started to pay off as far as money goes, but that's one of the sacrifices of being a musician, unfortunately and it's probably a good thing to. While musicians should be paid you really cease to be a musician if you don't do it for the music first and then you just become a product like Hannah Montana, Brittney Spears, and all the other sell-outs who we listen to on the radio. God provides either way...and luckily I'm getting to exercise my talents much more lately after a pretty long sabbatical from it being my premier focus. I also have been praying for Lily lately...the Lord has really put something on my heart for her recently :) What I need prayer for - resisting temptation as usual and getting my mind on the good things that God has planned for me; provision, as always, especially for college; provision as far as my car goes - needs fixing and maintenance as usual; provision to move out of this house; that me and my dad will not kill each other when he goes on his drug abuse induced bi-monthly psychotic maniacal rage; and on a pertinent note...for me to love more as Jesus does. Well, I think that does it for now. I need to read some other journals and start listening to my bible study tracks. I'm on Isaiah and it's a difficult one to really pay attention to because it is so applicable to the reality of our sin as a society and as individuals. That reminds me that I need to pray for my spiritual vision and my physical vision as I believe I have an eye infection or something. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 22nd, 2010
7:36 am	Crazy dream This morning before I woke up I had a dream that I was coming home to my old house in Abilene, TX where I used to live. Strangely, I had a cheetah in my car which had 2 cubs and I was cutting up some meat to feed it. There was a big problem though... In the backyard a Mother Bear had killed a Lion and was looking for food. It also had 2 cubs with it. I quickly locked the door and then took what was as starving Jaguar on my back to try and fight the Bear and get it out of the back yard. The Jaguar ended up getting killed because it couldn't fight and I was trying quickly to close the fence gates and find a way to keep myself alive as the mother bear rushed at me. Somehow, some neighbors joined the scene outside of the fence from the front yard and maybe distracted the bear...I'm not sure, but the bear left with its cubs which gave me time to close the gates. Really strange dream...I'm wondering if the Lord is showing me what is going to happen concerning WWIII. These animals are obviously the animals talked about in Revelation and Daniel. So, just thinking about it here is how I would interpret it: It looks as though Russia will try to invade America and Britain, France, Spain, etc. will either play dead or have very little to do with the fighting...or it will be wiped out. Those from Germany/Italy etc. (Mid and S. Eastern Europe) will be thrown into the fight simply because the man (the U.S.?) will put it on its back and use it for a distraction measure but it will not be effective and be killed or rendered disabled very quickly. The cheetahs obviously represent Africa and maybe South America and India or Indonesia/Phillipines are the cubs. I'm not sure about the Bear cubs but they may be China and Korea or Pakistan. Anyways, if this is a foretelling dream/vision about what is going to happen as far as the war goes it is somewhat encouraging. The way things look now the U.S. is on the verge of being completely overtaken by the New World Order/U.N. down to the local level by means of ideological fascism. But with the Bear attacking, I'm thinking something is going to happen that either provokes, or, gives an excuse for Russia/China/Pakistan (the kings of the east) into leading a war to continue the 6th trumpet's destruction which our nation has conveniently started by Bush's 9-11 terrorist attack on the U.S. It may very well have to do with this S. Korean 'sinking' ship incident that a submarine apparently destroyed. Funny how no one can say for sure who's submarine it was though yet the idea from the Clinton camp is that a war needs to come out of this and it may possibly lead to an invasion of the U.S. Anyways, I'm not going to get to far into it...it could have just been a crazy dream but the Biblical references are very strong...strong enough to really remind me of the last chapters of Daniel which may be the purpose in the first place. (Comment on this)
Saturday, February 6th, 2010
12:28 am	Surrogate I just came from Chuck's place. We watched a few TV shows and that Surrogate movie with Bruce Willis. Good movie and better concept. The facade of our lives is something that we all must be free from if we are to actually experience life, and love, and all that the good Lord has for us. Today I decided to again, revisit my true loneliness in this world. I don't get it. I know there's the point where you are alone with God and nothing else matters...nor should matter. Even during these times of emotional suffering and want for the lack that this world has provided, God lets me know He feels the same way everytime we blow him off in our life. It is so difficult to be aware all the time when he is not here in his physical presence...even though that is something not needed and something else that can be considered a facade. In spirit is where we are to exist...a thought that is comforting yet frustrating as well. I realize that in my search for a wife I am looking for someone not who can satisfy my every emotional need, or material need or desire, or physical or psychological preference...or expects me to do the same for them. I really have desired all my life it seems, to be with someone who would simply walk with me in God's love, sharing each others' burdens, joys, and purpose...knowing that it was meant for both of us. Unfortunately that is my 'problem'. It seems like every time I meet one of those persons it ends up being 'stolen' from me somehow. It's like trying to catch light. You can't grab or feel it...it's there and you can see it and respond to it but all it satisfies is your eyes for a time being...as long as you have vision, anyways. I'm not blind enough. I rely to much on my vision for guidance. And thus I burn myself...thinking that God's vision for me is the same as my own. I'm so sick of it. I always come across it and think it a cruel trial and lesson. It's bitter and depressing...but so was the cup Jesus drank for our salvation. I cry out to God and complain about it...yet every time I'm reminded that trusting in him no matter what means being stupid and foolish...not relying on my own 'wisdom'...but relying on his. And that makes me really think to myself: Am I really this selfish? I know I am but what can I do about it? Why must I live with psychopathic maniac for a father and a codependent nag for a mother. They hate me. They wish I weren't born. They think of me as a burden at best. My brother...who I love so dearly chooses folly, lust, and impluse for his foot paths. And all I find is frustration every time I am hit with the reality that I'm just chasing the wind trying to live this life. Trying to catch some light in my hands. Trying to serve God. I speak like a fool...and am not satisfied by it. I live with hope for eternity...yet desire a life for tomorrow...but tomorrow never comes and today is just another day to be slave to this stupid body and stupid society and stupid world. I do desire to share others' burdens but who cares about my own? Really..who does? Not even my own best friend. I know there is one. And they know who they are. I have dreams frequently of them. Yet another frustration pains me. Because again, it is a light that I can't catch. But these words are not simply for me...they are to be carried on towards a day I can't see...and maybe will never see...for in this blindness I can't see what the future holds. I can't see where God has aimed with these thoughts from my heart. All I know is that the Cross is painful and that is where it ends. For it is there that I might have victory. Glory to Him that I, a lousy wretch and failure, can share in that victory. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
9:39 am	Finally I will finally be starting work on my first major work of music called 'Sonora de Angeles', or, 'Harmony of Angels'. It will be the third and final work in my 'Sonora' series and it has been years in the making since the good Lord gave me the idea. The subject matter of the work will be an exposure of the appearance of angels in the Bible. This is by no means a piece to simply honor the angels themselves, other then the Angel of the Lord, of course, but a rewriting of the biblical accounts in musical form and a witness, in order to spark an interest in the subject matter, and the Word of God in general. The piece will be mainly set in the key of D in Dorian mode and will center around a major 3 note theme that I recently discovered to fit the theme: A, G, and D. I am using these 3 notes in particular, because of a fantastic representation realized for the work: Revelation 1:8 - "I am the Alpha and the Omega," says the Lord God, "who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty." The note A naturally represents 'Alpha', and thus G and (G#) will represent 'Omega' as it is the last note(s) of the western notation scale. D, or in Greek, 'Delta', represents the Trinity (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit) as it also, represents the number 3, as it is in fact symbolized by a triangle when in written form. There is a secondary theme which I will use for the representation of man which is a theme based on a piece I have already written years ago while I was in college, also which will be included in the work, called "Angels at the Cross". It has an elaborate melody that is set in the key of E minor, representing the Earth and humanity. As for the orchestration of the piece, I would really prefer to follow after the likes of Mahler, Holst, and Respighi. Mahler for his wonderful expressions of human emotion through an orchestra such as in his Titan Symphony, Holst for his grand visions of the universe in "The Planets", with all of it's unfathomable and uncontainable state, and Respighi for his artistry of the realities in Roman times fleshed out in the tone poem "Pines of Rome". I ask for prayers in this work as it will be a piece of music simply written with my hands and not by them. The Lord has given me grace and preparation to start this work and only by walking with him will I be able to complete it, and do so for his glory. In sorts, this is a 'building of the temple' type of undertaking and can only be done with the result of the glory of the Lord in mind and spirit. “[Be Holy] Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.”- 1 Peter 1:13 (Comment on this)
8:54 am	Writer's Block: What do you want to do before you die? What do you want to do before you die? Sponsored by MTV’s "The Buried Life". Premieres January 18 at 10PM PT/ET. View 839 Answers 1. Fulfill my service to Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. 2. Have a family. 3. Write a symphony or equivalent work of music. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 1st, 2010
4:06 pm	Job Ch. 10 I personally, and truly believe even the basic idea of insurance as a whole is wrong and is just a means of swindling people. It's there so we can pay to get help when disaster strikes. However, why is it that you cannot count on your community anymore when disaster strikes? Has everyone turned into Job's friends? Why is it that you can't count on God when disaster strikes? I can imagine if Job complained to God and said "GOD! IF ONLY YOU WOULD'VE PROVIDED HEALTH INSURANCE FOR ME!.." The insurance companies are swindlers in my eyes and it's because this society is a society of swindlers that we even allow it. 1 "I loathe my very life; therefore I will give free rein to my complaint and speak out in the bitterness of my soul. 2 I will say to God: Do not condemn me, but tell me what charges you have against me. 3 Does it please you to oppress me, to spurn the work of your hands, while you smile on the schemes of the wicked? 4 Do you have eyes of flesh? Do you see as a mortal sees? 5 Are your days like those of a mortal or your years like those of a man, 6 that you must search out my faults and probe after my sin- 7 though you know that I am not guilty and that no one can rescue me from your hand? 8 "Your hands shaped me and made me. Will you now turn and destroy me? 9 Remember that you molded me like clay. Will you now turn me to dust again? 10 Did you not pour me out like milk and curdle me like cheese, 11 clothe me with skin and flesh and knit me together with bones and sinews? 12 You gave me life and showed me kindness, and in your providence watched over my spirit. 13 "But this is what you concealed in your heart, and I know that this was in your mind: 14 If I sinned, you would be watching me and would not let my offense go unpunished. 15 If I am guilty—woe to me! Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in [a] my affliction. 16 If I hold my head high, you stalk me like a lion and again display your awesome power against me. 17 You bring new witnesses against me and increase your anger toward me; your forces come against me wave upon wave. 18 "Why then did you bring me out of the womb? I wish I had died before any eye saw me. 19 If only I had never come into being, or had been carried straight from the womb to the grave! 20 Are not my few days almost over? Turn away from me so I can have a moment's joy 21 before I go to the place of no return, to the land of gloom and deep shadow, [b] 22 to the land of deepest night, of deep shadow and disorder, where even the light is like darkness." (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 13th, 2009
2:18 pm	The Power of a Mustard Seed The smallest of seeds has the power to move mountains (Matthew 17:20). But in man there is no power. We can do things in our power and be successful...in things that really take no power to succeed at for those things are as vapors and really have no meaning in our lives. It is fleeting and as Soloman said, is simply chasing the wind. No one needs power to chase the wind. Even the fool can be successful in chasing the win. Far too often we forget that we can draw on the power of the mustard seed. It contained the power that created the universe...stars...and galaxies...which are innumerable. To often we rely on things that lack power and thus do not satisfy. Living the life of Christ is through His power alone and only then can we truly love and truly do the work of God that we are called to do. 2 Chronicles 14:11 "LORD, there is no one besides You to help in the battle between the powerful and those who have no strength; so help us, O LORD our God, for we trust in You, and in Your name have come against this multitude. O LORD, You are our God; let not man prevail against You." (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 13th, 2009
5:45 pm	so... Every day that passes I realize how much I need God's help. I don't deserve it. But I'm thankful that he has offered it to me anyways. I've learned quite a bit about my sinful nature recently and how God deals with it, and how He is glorified in it. Helpless as I am, I can't understand how he would use me when he knows what has been in my heart. Born blind and penniless and naked...and I'll most likely die the same way. While the anger and vengeance passed down to me is going to end with God's glory. By his might and his kindness and his Love, my flesh shall be overcome. And all it takes is surrendering. How often we in this world see perseverance as the secret to success...while God has made perseverance in surrendering our will as the secret to success. Subconscious surrender is good. Conscious surrender is better. At times it seems impossible for us to bring us to that point of conscious surrender but that's when he steps in and becomes the strength in our weakness...and thus he receives the glory. Glory to you Lord Jesus for saving my soul! Glory! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 5th, 2009
4:56 pm	... It's been quite a while since I've posted. I was going to post last week about something but I forgot about it. It's such a pain, lol. So, instead of trying to remember what it was, I'll just go with what I've been thinking about lately. I'm torn. In more than one way. I need to pray so I can find what the Lord's will is. I'm feeling the root of anger and bitterness that I apparently still have had for a while. I thought I was over it and then the trigger happens yet again, and it's back again. This after last week during Wed. night prayer meeting where I prayed about thanking God for the smile and for the silly things of life. So often we take things so seriously but God's a God of joy and peace and even humor. Feeling dejection should be overcome by knowing that He is our God. And I feel a great deal of dejection. Just when it looks like I can finally move forward I get hit with burden. I'm sick of it. I hate it. And it's all attributed to my desire to carve a life out of this stupid sinful world. Trusting God becomes so hard in slavery. And especially for a fighter like me. But my desire to fight is dangerous. As Jacob wrestled with God, so do I. Yet this was at a time he had already had his life carved out for him by God. I'm still waiting. I'm still waiting for my career, I'm still waiting to begin a relationship with my future wife, I'm still waiting to be of 'typical' use as far as ministry goes. Years upon years of frustration aren't easily overcome. I desire to overcome them but does God? Am I really THAT in need of this example. Have I ever passed this test?...will I ever pass it? I'm sick of this test. He can pass it and He knows I know this but I guess it's up to me...but it's not. Impossible situations are for the glory of God, but aren't also those that are possible? Would I steal His glory for the fruit of my labors. I desire to improve myself...but what is it worth if he disallows me? And why does he disallow me? To improve me in other areas? I'm tired of trying to be improved in these 'other' areas. It's an unpassable test because I'm completely unfit to pass it. He is. But will he pass it for me? Is he going to pass it for me? Maybe my problem is my perception of myself. Maybe I just need to admit I'm a loser, and give up on the desires of my heart that, I have no doubt, He gave me. I thought it might be my perception of this world but it's not. And I'm way past blaming others for their perceptions. I may think they have a horrible perception, but I can't change that. Maybe that's their unpassable test. Last week I was thinking about how it would be to live in the time of Acts..during the church of Acts. All those guys were about was Jesus Christ. That's what we should all be about, regardless of our situation or our desires of our heart. This is one of those times all I hope for is that God would have grace and mercy on me because I'm terrible...I truly am terrible. And I hate it. And I don't want to be terrible. But it's a test I can't pass. He passed it on the Cross. But can I truly bring myself to that place again and again and again. It's about dieing to yourself but you don't realize you need to do that until you're in the situation where you've already failed the test. The flesh is a horrible thing. Some people would call it a spiritual attack but it's not. It's not 'the devil' because it has nothing to do with temptation, but instead, my sinful nature (which is the flesh). If only God would rescue me. I cry out to him...even though that in itself is a battle with the sinful nature because I ask the questions: So when will he come? Will he pass the test for me? He says he will. I believe him. I, just like all of us, simply want to know when? I want to be comforted. I want to truly smile again. I want the resentment to go away. I want the stress to go away. I want the frustration to go away. I want the pain to go away. I want to live as if this is His Kingdom. Isn't that what the church of Acts did? But they had their own flaws as well. Isn't it unrealistic to deify them as perfect in Christ? Yet, if they were, where is God at? We must be perfect because He is. And since I'm not, does that mean his grace isn't available to me? I think one thing I've feared for so long is that...because I've lived among the most disgraceful people I've ever met. Who else can say that about their parents? I'm embarrassed and ashamed that I have to say this but it's true. I've met crackheads and bums who don't scratch these people, but again, that's my perception. Anyways, I'm waiting for you Lord. And I hate being impatient about it. But I can't pass the test. How do you expect me to? I can't die for everyone's sins. I can't die for my own sins. You did that. And Lord I thank you. But I'm tired of the flesh. I want to fly like an angel. Solomon was right. This world is so pointless and foolish and stupid. (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 21st, 2009
1:42 am	Neanderthals So I've been doing some research about Neanderthals. And my findings are pretty amazing...not simply on the facts about Neanderthals, but the of the corner that the world's scientists who are 'so much smarter than God' have painted themselves into. Here's their claims: 1. Neanderthals are a separate or 'sub-species' of Homo Sapien. - So this is the biggest and most damning statement to these scientists' cause. First of all, since when did this 'system' of distinguishing man begin to include a group smaller than the smallest group...which is species. There's no such thing as sub-species unless you are going to make it up right now. So, either Neanderthals are human or they are not. Pick your poison. 2. Neanderthals existed many thousands of years separately along with humans. - See above concerning 'humans'. Also, what dating system are you using? Please tell me it's not radioactive carbon dating...please. Because that system is the biggest fraud that science has ever seen. Tell me when those atoms of carbon were made and the conditions where they've been throughout the ages...just tell me and give me something in the range down to the milliseconds rather than millions of years...OH?...you can't do that? Well, that's just too bad...because apparently you don't know enough to the god you claim to be. 3. Neanderthal DNA show that humans didn't 'evolve' from them. - O really!? That means Neanderthals were 'human' but not from the same current gene pool because they didn't 'mate' with us of the current human gene pool? Well, that totally ruins your precious 'theory of evolution' now doesn't it? Because you now have absolutely nothing other than fraud to link humans to apes. So, where did humans evolve from if not from this 'sub-species' of humans? Wait, let me guess, you don't know do you?...oh, and lets not forget that this finding is totally in line with the fact that God destroyed civilization while he let Noah escape on an ark. All humans that exist now, and after the flood, are related to Noah. Neanderthals, apparently weren't, which is why we have a different 'gene-pool'. (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 8th, 2009
11:42 pm	The Free Offer of Mercy: Isaiah 55 Isaiah 55 1 "Ho! Every one who thirsts, come to the waters; And you who have no money come, buy and eat Come, buy wine and milk Without money and without cost. 2 "Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance. 3 "Incline your ear and come to Me Listen, that you may live; And I will make an everlasting covenant with you, According to the faithful mercies shown to David. 4 "Behold, I have made him a witness to the peoples, A leader and commander for the peoples. 5 "Behold, you will call a nation you do not know, And a nation which knows you not will run to you, Because of the LORD your God, even the Holy One of Israel; For He has glorified you." 6 Seek the LORD while He may be found; Call upon Him while He is near. 7 Let the wicked forsake his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts; And let him return to the LORD, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon. 8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD. 9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts. 10 "For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven, And do not return there without watering the earth And making it bear and sprout, And furnishing seed to the sower and bread to the eater; 11 So will My word be which goes forth from My mouth; It will not return to Me empty, Without accomplishing what I desire, And without succeeding in the matter for which I sent it. 12 "For you will go out with joy And be led forth with peace; The mountains and the hills will break forth into shouts of joy before you, And all the trees of the field will clap their hands. 13 "Instead of the thorn bush the cypress will come up, And instead of the nettle the myrtle will come up, And it will be a memorial to the LORD, For an everlasting sign which will not be cut off." (Comment on this)